Numb

Numb. Just numb.

Of course, I was feeling sick again today. Was able to make it to morning worship, but I just needed to sleep the rest of the day and did so for five hours. Then I took Evie out for a walk, and cleaned, and ate supper, and then got on Facebook.

Facebook. That darn Facebook. A blessing and a curse. And I found out that somebody was in trouble. I didn’t know who, the statuses didn’t say. So I did some investigating and found out it was someone I had been talking to this morning. Who was absolutely fine. No problems whatsoever. Laughing and being good to talk to. Who has known me since I was born and has been a good family friend and a kind elder for the church. Who got me through some rough spots during college. Who raised cattle and could talk 4-H with me anytime. Who asked me this morning if I had played in alumni band and listened to the story of my day.

He’s gone.

And I sit on my stool at my kitchen counter, numb. I didn’t want to write, but I am.

Because while I was sitting here, I thought about how, at the beginning of the summer, the elders decided our preacher should give a series of lessons on shepherding the flock and on being an elder because we should encourage more men to do so. The lessons the last two weeks have been full of sheep pictures.

God knew.

God knew.

And I am overwhelmed and cannot even cry.